


The Suspect

by CreativeReading



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Phil Coulson, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Interrogation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 16:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1751573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeReading/pseuds/CreativeReading
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ward interrogates a difficult suspect.</p><p>tumblr-creativereadingfanfiction</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note- I own nothing from Marvel or ABC.

Ward brought the suspect into the interrogation room and shoved her roughly into the chair, secured the handcuffs and took a seat opposite her.

"You are going to tell me everything you know about Centipede. Right now," Ward said, thumping a case file for emphasis.

"I refuse to be interrogated by an underwear model," she replied.

"What?" Ward asked, incredulous.

"You heard me. You all don't even look like real people on this plane. Have you even seen other people's tech teams? Yours look like they could be modeling for American Apparel."

"I don't see what that has to do with. . . ." Ward began.

"Your computer expert looks like a pop singer; your pilot could be selling perfume on a billboard."

"Agent Coulson. . . .." Ward said.

"Is adorable," the suspect spat back. "You know, you could get hit with a class action lawsuit from all the unattractive people your team has refused to hire."

"What are you even talking about?" Ward asked.

"I mean how do you guys get any undercover work done? You look like someone who should be constantly stalked by paparazzi," said the suspect.

Ward gritted his teeth. "Look, this distraction isn't going to work. You need to provide us with answers and you need to do it now."

"Or what?"

"We can make it very unpleasant for you," Ward ground out, leaning over the table, staring the subject in the eyes.

"Exactly how unpleasant? Be specific," the suspect spat back.

"What?" Ward asked. He had the distinct impression that somehow he had lost and he wasn't quite sure when it happened.

"Are you going to, let's say, cut off my finger?" the suspect asked.

"No," Ward said, a bit disgusted.

"'Cause that's what Centipede does. Before they even bother with the first question. That's how they open. Since I am still in possession of all ten beautiful digits, I wager you are not as unpleasant as Centipede is. Actually, there you go; here's your first piece of classified intel. If you run across a group of nine-fingered baddies, you'll know that Centipede got to them first."

Ward threw up his hands. He was done. He grabbed the file and stalked out of the room.

"Here, your turn," he said to May who was waiting in the lounge and went off to the makeshift gym to punch away his anger and frustration.

May smiled and perused the file. She knew exactly how to more unpleasant than Centipede.

 


	2. Chapter 2

May walked quickly into the interrogation room and sized the suspect up. She was hardly older than Skye and she was sure that she could get her to crack in minutes.

"Hello. My name is Melinda May." May let that sink in for a minute. She knew her reputation struck fear in the hearts of the most hardened enemy operatives.

"Like M & Ms," the young woman quipped. "I bet you get that a lot."

May's eyes narrowed. "No, never."

"So, what's the situation with tall, dark and broody? Is he seeing someone?" the suspect asked, leaning in a bit.

"Yes . . . no. That's none of your business," May said tightly, a little too quickly.

"Oh . . . .," the suspect said, understanding dawning on her. "You know, he's young enough to be your son. But, you know, no judgment. I, myself, hope to be a cougar when I get older."

"I'm not a cougar!" May spat back, her fingers clenching the file.

"So, it is out in the open or is it a secret affair? I know that S.H.I.E.L.D. has some pretty strict anti-fraternization rules."

"I have some questions for you, about Centipede," May began again, deciding to focus on the real reason for this interrogation.

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen, but I would love to hear more about the GQ model you've got tucked away. How do you do it, girl? I'm beyond impressed. Is it Pilates? Yoga? If I look half as good as you when I get to be your age, I'm gonna get me a boy toy, too."

"He's not a . . . We're not . . . Oh, for goodness' sakes," May snatched up the file and left the room. She was ready to punch something or shoot something. Or someone.

As she careened out of the room, she almost hit Coulson.

"Here, you deal with her. I am this close to throwing her off this plane," Melinda snarled as she thrust the file in Coulson's hands and retreated back to the cockpit.

Coulson straightened his tie and entered the interrogation room. His eyes widened when he saw who was there.

"How's my favorite S.H.I.E.L.D. agent? You know, you still owe me a new IPOD," she said with a big grin on her face.

"Miss Lewis. This is an unexpected surprise," Coulson said, nonplussed.

"It's Agent Lewis, big guy," she replied.

"Really? I hadn't heard."

"Well, you were away at the time," she said gently.

"I got impaled. I was dead. Wait, why are you smiling?" Coulson said, suspiciously.

"Fury bet me ten dollars that you would mention getting skewered within two minutes of seeing me. You know, for a big secret, you sure do blab it around."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, how many agents saw you at the Hub alone? Dozens, maybe even hundreds? It's not like the Avengers don't all know you're alive," she said.

"They do?"

"Tony Stark runs a the most advanced A.I. in the entire world. You don't think he knew the second you got back from Tahiti?" she explained.

"It's a magical place," Coulson said robotically.

"So, I've heard. Anyhow, Stark is not known for his discretion. He told everyone as soon as he found out. They're all a little hurt that you haven't reached out. Agent Rogers is positively melancholy."

"He is?" Coulson asked, hopeful.

"Really and truly. Pick up a phone. Let him know you're okay," she said, smiling.

Coulson shook his head to clear his thoughts. "So, Centipede?"

"Director Fury had me go deep undercover. I'm supposed to be a disgruntled ex-employee with an axe to grind. I was just about to make contact with a Centipede operative when Warm and Fuzzy picked me up."

"Warm and Fuzzy?" Coulson sighed. It was going to be a long day.

"The Zoolander wannabe and the leather-clad den mother," she replied.

Coulson stiffened. These interviews were always taped. He'd have to find a way to erase it before Ward and May got a hold of it.

"You know I'll have to confirm this with Director Fury before we can cut you loose," he said, taking out his phone.

"Be my guest," she said with a wink.

Coulson dialed the number. "Hello, sir, it's Agent Coulson. Sorry to bother you so late. We seem to have a bit of a situation. There's an agent here that insists that she has your express permission to go undercover with Centipede. . . . Yes, that's who it is. . . . . Yes, she does owe you ten dollars . . . Okay, I'll let her know."

Coulson turned to Darcy. "You're free to go. I hope Ward and May weren't too rough on you."

She broke out into a huge grin. "Oh, I think I was a bit too rough on them."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Note- Originally, I only wrote the one chapter, but a reader, "randomreader WITH a profile", had such an amazing suggestion that I hadn't even considered, that I felt compelled to write a second chapter. So, this chapter is dedicated to "randomreader WITH a profile".
> 
> If you like a bit of humor added in with your action, you might enjoy another Agents of Shield series that I wrote- "Vlad the Impaler", "Coulson's Christmas Gift" and "Ivan the Terrible" (up-coming).


End file.
